The Fear has set in

[21t4]

I started off the day okay.
This happens a lot on Sunday and Sunday-a-likes.
The morning will be okay I'll think of some things I want to do but after I've been up for a few hours this wave of tiredness sets in and I get lonely and suddenly I'm back in bed.

After sleeping sleep I didn't need and dreaming dreams that only left me feeling anxious, I woke up and couldn't do anything.
Sometimes my eyes were spinning.
My jaw was hammering.
I could feel the fear building but I wasn't really thinking about things going wrong.

I am shitting again (woohoo!) but my nausea came back hard last night and today.
Why does the fear live in my stomach?
If I run through the scaryarios, will it move from my stomach to my brain?
Or would it just be oozing poison in two body systems instead of just the one?

I wanted to get the house nice for my future self when I came back from the hospital.
So I could relax and watch dvds upstairs.
Instead I've just been helplessly scrolling thru Netflix, wishing they had a Wholesome British Mysteries genre.

At least tomorrow I have to go to work.
Hopefully the structure of going in and being there will help me get thru the day and get tired so I can sleep before I go in Wednesday Morning.